Love Yourself Through It!

“I wouldn’t do it for love nor money!”

I have heard that statement a great many times over the course of my 46 years. Usually, I laugh when someone says that. But today, I am realizing that funny little statement holds a lot of water. 

It is a measure of importance. How bad must something be if you wouldn’t do it for “love nor money”? Love and money must be the two most important things ever. They must be the two best things in a person’s life. Heck, The two greatest things in most everyone’s life for it to be a standardized statement, right?

So, you would think that in this standard of measure, we would list these things in the order of their importance. Since love is listed first, it would seem that it would be the very most important thing. Money second…and as those two things go, I completely agree. Love first…money second. 

However, in all of my years on this planet, I will say that I found that particular order of words is not really accurate. Why is that? 

I have seen the best of friendships be dissolved for money. I have seen families torture one another and divide for money. I have seen children and parents and partners and siblings be thrown to the side, all for money. Why? Is money better? Does it comfort? Does it hug? Does it listen to your ramblings? Does it care if you are hurting? No it doesn’t. So why is it better? 

It’s better because money is easier.

Love is work. Love is hard, complicated and ugly. Love is a hard line to walk. When you got it, it is fabulous and it feels better than any high thread count sheet. It is better than any high priced meal and it is more beautiful than any million dollar work of art. As my angels once told me when I asked if all of the struggle was worth it….” anything worth having is worth the work”

They are correct….again. 🙂

Love is difficult and easy to throw away and the “root of all evil” gives folks a “legitimate” reason to do it. People are able to justify their actions for money. People are able to do a great many hurtful things in the name of money. Because, even though most people will be shocked or offended when they hear of the wicked deed…they understand deep inside. Behind their expressions of outrage, you will see a glint of understanding…it is money after all.

It has been my experience that greed and pride end up in sorrow. We have seen it time and time again. We have to watch it a hundred times at Christmas with the one hundred versions of Scrooge. I mean, Martha Stewart had to go to prison to give us a prime real life example, for Heaven’s sake. 

Everyday I have people sit across from me and tell me terrible stories of being cheated out of money by people they love. They cry and can’t believe how this once important person has chosen money over their love. How could anyone be so heartless? Why couldn’t it have been talked out? Where was the love?

Why couldn’t love have saved it all? What made love the second most important thing? What is a new car or a new deck or a new set of clothing compared to an old friend that really cares sitting beside you in your time of need? 

I suppose you can always get more love. I suppose you can always get new friends. But really, when there is someone who knows you inside and out and STILL wants to be around you….listen honey, you better hold on TIGHT. Money will NOT buy you anything like that. 

Please, don’t misunderstand me and think that I am saying that it is okay for people to take advantage of you and your money. It is not okay for anyone to disrespect, devalue or compromise you for any reason. If  you feel that someone is doing that, then YOU come from LOVE and discuss it, without fighting, without insult, without ugliness.

Back in my days of working in a non-profit, I was taught an important formula for communication. 

State what happened

State how it made you feel

State what you would like to see happen.

For example: 

Sally has asked Janey to pay for her dinner for the third time this week. Janey is starting to feel a little pissy about the whole thing. She had other plans for that money and wouldn’t have gone out to eat with Sally if she had known that Sally was low on funds. So instead of calling Sally a big mooch behind her back and building up negative energy toward Sally…Janey could say directly to Sally…

State what happened: Sally, we have been to dinner three times this week and all three times you have asked me to pay for dinner.

State how it makes you feel: It makes me feel unappreciated and taken advantage of.

State what you want to see happen: I want to spend time with you because I love you. If you don’t have the money for it, please just tell me and we can do something that doesn’t cost so much or maybe I will have extra sometimes and can afford us both. Does that sound okay?

So, if Sally is any kind of friend, she will not like that she has caused her friend to feel bad. She should should also be grateful that Janey loves her so much that she will confront the problem directly with her and not stab her in the back to Becky and Cindy. Hopefully they will continue to be BFF’s for years to come and sing at one another’s weddings.

I know it isn’t as simple as all that, but really love can simplify a great many things, and so can some well thought out communication. 

Love is everything. 

Smooch Out 

http://www.susanrushing.com

 

 

 

What’s in a name? That which we call a biscuit by any other name would smell as sweet….

We just rolled back into town from our week at the beach. It was a rowdy assed time, y’all. I mean…you know…for the over 40 crowd who have developed a strong taste for comfort over speed. 🙂

I swam in the ocean, and the pool. I saw more than enough oceanic wildlife to make me stay out of the ocean ( jellyfish, sharks and rays..more than one of each) I picked up shells along the beach. I watched the sunset and rise almost everyday over the ocean. It was beautiful. 

…and we tried to stay on the plan. I swear we did. I walked every morning but two. One was because we were leaving and the other was because I had been a little over served at the discotech the night before. Plus I figured that I had danced the equivalent of two walks that night. Sondra has the pictures to prove it (gah)

Throughout this trip, there were several things that I noted and would like to share with all y’all. Some about dieting on vacation…but some are things that we all might need to think about ourselves. It’s not too deep…read on. When we planned this vacation we had images of fresh fruit and veggies and fresh seafood all prepared with ease and finesse and in the healthiest most possible ways. We would go down to the grocery and grab the things we need and be on plan all week. I would only need to work out for the cocktails….it was gonna be great.

WTH

1. Most folks who like to vacation at the beach ( ok Panama City Beach) prefer their seafood…well ok, prefer most of their food FRIED. Battered and FRIED. You need to really look for those broiled or grilled options on most of the menus. Those deep fryers are going strong at the beach. I believe they would fry your flip flop for a modest fee. The grilled and broiled selection are so butter laden that they may as well be fried. 472 pts

2. Grocery stores at the PCB are savvy to the ways of their customers. There were four hundred and eleventy-leven different kinds of snack chips. However, We had to go to two different stores to find an avocado. We never did find bean spouts. The produce that they did have was really sad looking. I mean, hell, don’t we get some produce from Florida? 

3.Drinking starts fast on vacation. Wine flows like go go juice and I never want to miss the opportunity to hold a pretty glass.

4. Forget being good when going out to dance. We went to a karaoke night at a tiny little bar and closed it down. The manager gave us free cocktails and begged us to come back the next night. You can’t turn down free, or a gift…that would be rude.I lost track of points. Actually I think I may have said “Eff those points.” at one time or another. I’m not sure….I was saying a lot that night.  But really, it is a testament to how much fun we were having…and we drug everyone else in that bar along for the ride. 🙂

5. When going to the beach, notice what others are doing. After you have spent a month pissing and moaning and worrying about your “bingo wings”, “thunder thighs” or “tank ass”, because you are sure that every skinny bitch at the beach is going to be laughing and pointing at you…..take a look around when you get down there. NOBODY CARES. That is the truth. People are nice and friendly and nobody is staring at the top of your arms while they talk to you. Take off that beach cover and live. 

6. I need better light in my bathroom. Ok..so I am laying in the sun and I look down and there is a hair on my ankle that is about an inch long. What the hell? I just shaved my legs. Apparently I missed that hair….like EVERY TIME! How do I do that? So, I started looking at the rest of my legs. Good GOD! There are more than an couple of these patches along the leg ways. GAH!

7. Facing your fears head on is mind effing exhilaration. So my friend, Michelle went para-sailing. She was a little afraid of it, but she faced it and she did it. We were all so proud. I wanted to swim out with the dolphins, but I was too afraid. I mulled it around in my head all week. I wasn’t afraid of the water. I wasn’t afraid of the dolphins. I was afraid that I would not be able to get back into the boat. HOW was I going to get back up into the boat? I didn’t do it, and I regret it. So, the Universe had another plan for me. I have a big big fear of bridges. Bridges with no railings just feel so dangerous to me. To take the boat ride that we took, I had to walk two times on a very long pier…with absolutely NO railings. I stayed in the middle and set my head, asked everyone to get out of my way and I just walked …..quickly and and in a straight line until I was on land. It was crazy. I still wish I would have swam with the dolphins. It would have been so Doreen Virtue for me 😉

8. I have no idea how may points are in sand, but it seems like I ate a fair amount. 

9. The support of healthy friends is invaluable during these times. Thanks to Sue Anne for slowing down for me so that I could exercise too. She made me get up, get dressed and she walked right along side of me. When someone else is working along side of you it makes it all so much easier. It’s what I have always said about Sondra. Because she is doing it with me, it seems like just how we live and not like I am on a diet.

10. I release the worry that I am going to gain weight from this vacation. I have to release it….because I really believe that I did! I quit counting points and just tried to make better decisions than I am prone to. Hopefully it won’t be too bad. 🙂

HAHAHA!!

Really, I had the best time. I did try to watch what I was eating and not be over the top with my cheating ways. My body is sore like I slid into home about ten times….but that just means that I worked it. I sunbathed everyday…and I may have even been mostly naked once. 🙂 tee hee.

 I lived,y’all. …and that is what we are here for. 

Tuesday is the day to face the music…I hope it’s Karaoke 🙂

Smooch Out

http://www.susanrushing.com

Let me start this thing off by saying “Happy Mother’s day!” I hope that you all find trinkets and treasures among the hand made gifts and cards that you receive on this day. They are truly the best gifts ever.

Today my brow is furrowed.

My heart is a little heavy with worry this mother’s day.

First of all, I miss my baby. She is back in Kentucky, doing her own thing. I know that she would much rather be with me and I would much rather be there with her…but it is time to start thinning that cord, and I know it.

I am an only child. She is an only child. She is taller than I am and severely handicapped. It has become a physical impossibility for me to care for her in the ways that she needs care. It was killing me to do it…and it wasn’t good for her either.

I have seen adult handicapped children who live in their parents home until their parents are sick or they die….then the shock of going into a group home suddenly, almost causes them to die. It rips my heart out to see that happen. So, about ten years ago I decided that I wasn’t going to let that happen to my Megan. So when she was eligible, Megan went to the group home. It hurt, but I knew it had to be. While we were all still around to love her….to allow her to get comfortable and to allow other people the time to love her before something happened to any of us….well…to me anyway. It had to be weaning…instead of a cold turkey. Cold turkey didn’t work so well….the weaning has been okay. Well…it kicks my ass a lot….but it’s been okay for Megan. Well….it kicks her ass too sometimes, but most times it is okay….and she will be in a stable place when everyone is gone and she is alone.

When people used to ask me what my greatest fear was, I would always say, ” I fear that I will die before my child. What will she do without me? AND I fear that my child will die before me. What will I do without her?”

Well….part of that fear is taken care of. That is a good thing. I get a ton of judgement over it. People say that I coldly left her behind so that I could have a better life. People only love to see what they think. People love to judge and they love to talk scandal. So I say talk on bitches….if they could take a stroll in my flip flops, it might all feel a little differently to them.

What people don’t know is the gut, heart and soul wrenching introspection and thought and worry and crying that went on for months making that decision. Making the decision to go and save my own life so that I could be healthy and sane enough to make the right decisions for that girl was one of the toughest things I ever had to do…right behind watching her suffer in hospitals and seize for hours at a time. Being a mother is a mother….

This morning I spoke with my own mother, who is 500 miles away. She is having her own issues with being a mother. My 90 year old grandmother is living in my mother’s house. Grandma has Alzheimer’s. My mother is 73 and has some pretty big health issues of her own. My mother has 5 living brother’s and sisters, however, she does the brunt of the caretaking of Grandma. She has a sister who has taken her on Saturdays for the last couple of years…but recently she told my mother that she isn’t going to do that anymore, because she feels that it isn’t fair that she takes her every Saturday.

I will tell you that my mother is not an easy woman…but she doesn’t deserve the treatment that she is getting from her family.

I think Grandma needs to go into some assisted care facility. My mother says that she has made a promise that she will not break. I can respect that. I just hate to see my mother continue down a path of stress and self sacrifice while at least three of her other siblings give her a great deal of shit and little help. My mother is the eldest of the brood.

It makes me crazy…and also why I live several states away from them.

I tell my mom that she can’t take care of anyone until she takes care of herself first. I tell her that her relationship with herself is the most important relationship she has. She needs to foster and care for herself. It is the only way to be strong enough to be of any help to anyone else. She never wants to hear it and will end a phone call when I talk about it. So, I try to send it to her telepathically….:)

I pray that one small seed gets planted for her.

My grandmother was smart, strong and loving woman. My mother is too. I love them both more than I can ever say and it rips my heart apart to think of how they are now…struggling against one another all for the sake of not being selfish. My heart hurts for both of them. I am sure that my strong, quick thinking Grandma would have never allowed my mother to make such a promise if she had known all of this would take place. My grandmother was a giver and a hard worker…she was my inspiration for many years of overcoming adversity…and about being someone that no one ever expected you to be. She does deserve to be honored….and so do we all…as mother’s…as giver’s….as women.

So, I will tell you to make everyday Mother’s day in your heart. Honor yourself. Love yourself. Do good things for yourself. When you are happy and well taken care of, you feel like nurturing others….you WANT to take care of others…and you never feel obligated.

Just like they say on the planes….put on your oxygen mask first before you put on your neighbors….I know I say that all the time, but it is the truth, y’all…..you gotta be able to breathe.

Enjoy your macaroni necklaces…..I wore one for a couple of years…it was a delightful piece mounted on the curling ribbon setting. 🙂

Do your thing Momma’s…and don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys 🙂

Smmooch Out

Yes, I am an old musical junkie. Even though I was solidly surrounded by country music all throughout my childhood, somewhere, somehow I fell in love with musical theater. I ate those old movies and records like candy. I even grew up to sing professionally and participated in more musicals than I can count….all before I turned thirty. I love remembering those times..even though I was not the best actress in the world…I could sing the shit out of anything they handed me. Please forgive the ego…but really I could 🙂 just sayin. The warmth of a pin spot and the crisp sound of rippling applause felt mighty like love to me in those days….it was how I fed my soul. We all grow up…and I grew out of theater, but I still have those swinging memories with gratitude shinier than any sequin on any costume.

I love so many shows and recite lines and songs from all of them…including South Pacific.

South Pacific was never one of my favorite shows.

If you have ever seen South Pacific, it’s a show that is really about discrimination and how love should overcome those differences. The message is good…the music is good, but really there is only one part for a chubby girl….and she wore mu mu’s….no glamour there. I wasn’t really interested. 🙂

Anyway, there is a song in South Pacific that is sung to the heroine’s love after she realizes that the man she has fallen in love with has bi-racial children. In the scene, Nurse Nelly has moved past the age difference that she has with the man, but cannot seem to get past his two children and the fact that he had a relationship with an island woman. Emille, who is the man who she is in love with can’t understand how or why such a lovely and sweet woman has such a hateful spot in her heart.

This song is sung to Emille by a lieutenant who has fallen in love with an island girl and is having the same issues…

This song is running through my head today.

You know what? I get what he is saying. I understand that, there was a ton of that as I was growing up. I was born in the sixties in a small town in a predominantly white farming community. I get it. I was taught it. I grew out of it. I was smarter than that. I loved bigger than that. I had bigger issues and harder times in front of me…I learned that love was the key to most anything.

I married a nice young man at the age of 22, just like I was supposed to. We waited two years to have a child, just like I was supposed to. She came out handicapped, just like she wasn’t supposed to. That’s when the mind expansion began. By the time I came out at thirty, just like I wasn’t supposed to… I was used to standing up to people who looked at me in disapproving ways. I was used to calling out people who stared too long at my child, or other mother’s who drug their children away from mine like cerebral palsy was contagious. I didn’t hesitate to say something to them…of course in the nicest and love filled snarkiness I could muster 🙂 I wasn’t rude, but I did aim to slap a little. Afterall, they had just slapped my child…and what momma bear doesn’t slap about that?

When I came out, I worked in a hair salon. Everyone was gay. Total acceptance and love for my new relationship status was all around. Then I moved to KY. I began working at a private non-profit….and the ugliness hit me like shit to the fan. It was bad….It was really bad. I stood up to it, I moved around it and I was there LONG after the haters had left. Suzy wins, bitches…suzy wins. But I understand their hate. I was taught it too.

Here is what I don’t understand.

I don’t understand how people who have been discriminated against…people who have been bullied or made to feel less than they truly are…can discriminate against their own people. I don’t get it.

I have been bullied and discriminated against, and let me tell you right now…it is some BIG SUCK. Why on earth after experiencing something like that would you throw it on someone else? I am sure that it goes on in every group. I just don’t get it.

Yesterday, I spoke with a lovely young man who is married to another lovely young man. Their love for one another touched my heart and I could feel it clear to my toes. These two people are precious and I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to see how they love. It makes me hopeful for the world. They got married in California, and then California overturned the gay marriage law…and then they were no longer married. It shattered their world.  ( I know it was reinstated…and hooray for that…but the damage and heartbreak that it caused was done)

I walked with my friend for a few minutes, and when we passed a group of over groomed gay folk that sat on the same park bench for most of the day, he smiled and said hello.  They looked the other way. They were far to chic to speak to us. My friend didn’t notice, but I had already experienced thee same thing with that group. When I saw them sitting there as I was walking Jasper, I smiled my best loving squenchy eyed smile and said hello…..they turned their heads and began talking to one another, like they hadn’t heard me. The next time I passed, I just smiled…and again they looked away. I didn’t need to be friends. I wasn’t trying to strike up a conversation…I was just being my Susan Rushing self and saying hello…..

…but when they did it to my friend…..I became that momma bear again….

As he said hello…and got shunned…..I smiled my squenchiest smile leaned over closely and acted like they might be too old to hear…and said in my most countriest accent  ” HE SAID HELLO! Iii   HOOPE    Y’AALL    AARRE    ENJOYIIHN’   THEE    EVEEHNT!”

They all looked at me with their eyes all big in their designer frames. I smiled hard at them, and we walked away shaking our behinds.

Love everyone. I mean it. Love is love and it comes in all forms. Love doesn’t threaten you. Hate does. Hate…that is a choice. Don’t hate it makes you ugly.

🙂  Don’t be ugly.

Have a good week everyone….look in the mirror today and look right in your own eyes and say I Love You.

The world needs more plain unadulterated love. Start with you and work outwards.

It’s working for me….and so is the behind shaking thing. I find it breaks up negative energy in the grooviest way.

Smooch Out!

 

 

 

….but it usually pisses us off first..right?

Of course, right…

I have learned in my time on this planet…and also through several mandatory trainings during my social service days…a great deal about relationships. I have retained fabulous exercises in communication skills, self calming methods and negotiation strategies for just about every situation and relationship you could ever imagine. Really, I am armed to the teeth with these gems of wisdom and methods to quell madness. They are all there, locked away, but still vivid in my rational mind, available for use at any moment.

They all fly out the window when my emotion becomes involved.

or…when the other participant begins to act irrationally and outside the parameters of the dog gone exercise.

For example, one exercise I remember called for each party involved in a discussion to hold a “talking stick”. During the exchange of communication, the rules are that each person holds the stick when it comes time to talk. The other party respects the stick holder by not interrupting the stick holders speaking. When the stick holder has finished speaking, the stick his handed over to the second person, and now that person can state their feelings or desires without worry of interruption. This allows each person to state how the are feeling and encourages them to listen carefully to what their partner is saying. It sounds lovely doesn’t it. In a role playing exercise…it is really a beautiful thing.

In my very real world…it is a different story.

The first stick holder begins speaking and continues speaking and continues speaking and continues speaking and doesn’t ever give the stick to the second person. The second person jerks the stick from the  first stickholder’s hands, cracks them on the head, throws the stick to the floor and walks away.

Sometimes people are insensitive. Sometimes people don’t follow the rules. Sometimes people are mean. Sometimes people are just plain cruel. People are people.

That is the truth….and it’s all because our rational minds become overtaken by emotion…the beautiful, the passionate, the creative and the crazy bitch…emotion.

A wild horse out of control…a raging fire that threatens to consume all in its path….rage is an emotion…just on the opposite side of love.

But we know that for every thing we have…there is an opposite that defines it…and measures it and causes us to look for adjustments that need to be made to it.

I ran across this quote, and I loved it…

We are not afraid to look under the bed, or to wash the sheets; we know that life is messy. We know that somebody has to clean it up, and that only if it is cleaned up can we hope to start over, and get better.

– Marsh Normon ( quoted in Interviews with Contemporary Women Playwrights)

I loved this quote because it all about cleaning up the things that we do or get done to us that mess up our lives…examining the mess, piece by piece until you can understand what and why it all happened and how and why you responded in the way that you did…and then do the best thing you can do in that situation….learn and grow from it.

You are perfect. You are. So, am I. That’s how we came into this world…as perfection. We are also human, and that sometimes makes us act is less than perfect ways. That’s okay. As long as I take the time look at the whys and hows and whats and dig for the reasons that made me do it recognize my part, forgive myself, forgive the other person and learn my lessons from the situation…I am making the best out of the situation.

Every situation good and bad is an opportunity for me to be a better person. There is no sense in wasting an opportunity, right? 🙂

Chip Coffey once reminded me of an episode of Touched by an Angel, where one of the angel characters who was having an incredibly horrific time…sat perched on a limb of a tree at the end of the day. With her weary head hanging down she prayed in a tired whisper, ” Thank you God for this terrible day”.

She understood the value of a good lesson. A hard lesson learned is so very valuable. I understand this am doing my best on a daily basis to stay in this energy of gratitude.

This energy of gratitude has strengthened my relationship with the ones that I love most. It helps me see the beauty and love in the people who surround me and the blessings that each of them bestow on me in so many ways every day. It helps me gain knowledge and care from my guides and angels, and you can’t measure the value of any of that.

That’s because you can’t measure love…..

I love you to the sky…that’s what my friend Cynthia says…..that’s some big love.

Smooch out, y’all…and love YOURSELVES through it.

http://www.susanrushing.com

Lose Weight, Feel Great, but have no freaking money to do anything..

That is one of my favorite Dolly Parton songs I am posting it on my blog just in case you love it too, or if you don’t know it.

8

It is dramatic, I know…every good country song is.

You know, the one thing I miss about country music these days is a good story. Tanya Tucker always sang a good one. Dolly and Loretta brought you right there along side of them through all of their good hurtin songs. It seems now a days most country songs have some kinda trite message, or some kind of catchy little witty cliché’ that they sing every few bars. I don’t listen too much to country anymore, but when I do I listen to the old stuff. I am grateful that Sondra likes it too. We were both raised on it.

So, Dolly was singing about Jesus. He’s Alive is her Easter song. It’s a good one. You can hear her faith and belief as she passionately belts out the chorus. I generally belt out right along with her. I love me some Jesus. I do.

I certainly don’t expect everyone to love Him the way I do. I respect others belief systems. I do. I am not one of those people who will shove their religion down your throat, or damn everyone to hell for not believing the same way I do. I leave that mess to the other kind of Christians. I know those kind of Christians well.  I am confused by them and angered by them and hurt by them a great deal. It’s been that way for so many years and still I am confused, not about my faith in Jesus…but how we all can love the teachings of the same man and have such incredibly different belief systems.

I was raised in a Baptist church in a small rural farm town in south central Ohio. It is a pretty little town full of pretty little people. I loved so many people in that town, and so many loved me right back. Going to church meant going to sing and get hugged and see family and usually a good lunch somewhere. It was a good thing.

When I was 17, a scandalous preacher came to our church. I won’t get into the details but I will tell you that the result of his actions split my family from the church and caused me to search for a different belief system. I couldn’t believe that some of the members of that church were so cold and mean to me and my family. They were the same ones that hugged me every Sunday since I could remember. Suddenly, I was undesirable. My family was without a church for the first time in my life. I left for college the next fall and my journey began.

I poured over every religion I could find…searching for that common thread. I found one…it was the same one. The thread was about love. It was about loving yourself and everyone around you. “It is all about the love” …that is the truth of my belief system. Love is the energy that uplifts this world. Love.

Easter was a big deal at my house. I liked it okay. My grandmother used to like to talk about the crucifixion and all of the terrible things that they did to Jesus. I hated that. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to know about it. I never wanted to talk about his death…or his ascension. Even though I believe that he was telling us all that we would ascend as he did, I just don’t think many really got that message. It was all about that cross and why he died on it.

I wanted to celebrate his life. That cross makes me feel guilty. Guilt is not love. My Jesus was all about love. That is what I cling too. I cling to his messages of love and acceptance and compassion, not to the old rugged cross.

Do I believe he died for my sins? Well, I believe that he died horribly. I can’t stand the thought of it. I do believe his lessons and teachings are my salvation. I do believe that his belief in love is my salvation. I do believe that his death had to be the way it was, because that is how God works. I do believe that God is forgiving and Christ was here to tell us all about it, and to stay in the highest vibration of love…so that when our time comes we will ascend. It will be good. I celebrate the life of Jesus. He is my savior in his teachings of love and forgiveness. He walks with me and He talks to me and He tells me I am his own….yep, I believe all that and it makes me strong.

I know that some folks will want to fight with me about that. It’s okay. You have your belief system, I will have mine. I also know that many of those same “Christians” will call me a devil or damn me to hell for my profession and or my sexuality. That is confusing to me. Those feelings are negative lower vibration hateful energy, and that’s not anything that I feel Jesus to be. In my past, dealings have been so bad with these folks, that when someone says the word “Christians” I immediately take a step backwards. They scare me. Their hate scares me. Then it will dawn on me that I am a Christian…more confusion.

And so…I go and sit in the bathtub with some sea salt and I talk to my Cosmic Posse. I ask them what to do and how to feel. Then I remember a conversation that I had with Jesus in my claw foot tub, right before I moved to Georgia. I was about to quit my job and pull up all my roots to read full-time. I asked if I was doing the right thing, and before I could think about it, He was there. He reached out to take my hand, and instead he clasped my wrist and said, “My sister, you speak my word. You speak the word of love. Tell everyone you see. As long as you are speaking my word, you will be provided for”. I looked up at him and said, “I am not your sister. You are the Lord.” Jesus replied, ” I walked this earth just as you do. You are my sister, and I will walk this path with you.” Speak the word of love, dear one.” As he faded out of view, my faith, my belief and my purpose became solid and clear.

It is all about the love, you all. It really is.

So, as you celebrate Jesus today, please remember his life more than his death. Please love yourselves and forgive yourselves and do the same for everyone around you…even those who wish you ill. Love them through it and put them in the light.

Dolly’s right. He’s Alive…inside you and me….and even your mother-in-law. 🙂

Happy Easter, everyone. Hope your bunny was solid 🙂

Smooch Out!

http://www.susanrushing.com

 

ok…so I just finished the last of my readings for the day. I am grateful that I have such beautiful, entertaining and energetic clients. I have always thought that the clients that readers bring in usually reflect that readers energy. I am grateful to say and to see that my lovely folks, just like me are working toward a better way to be and to feel, and they are hell bent to be a positive influence on this old world, such as it is. They are working, and feeling and healing and trying to make the best out of all situations… all with a sharp wit and a shake of a hip. I am grateful for them all.

This week has been a rough one for me. Hell, this month has been a rough one. Old wounds that are trying desperately to heal keep getting pulled back open. The pain from them is not as deep, but there is still some bad mojo that comes out whenever they are poked. I imagine that is why the Universe keeps making a way for them to reopen. It is never good to seal the top of something when in is festering underneath. I pray that the good Lord gives me the strength and the where-with-all, and really quite frankly A CLUE on how to get through it and finally have peace.

This 2012, has been a real life changing year for me. I know…I thought 2010 was the real life changer. Turns out, it was just the initial incision for me to be able to grow and to come into my life and my purpose fully…or rather, perhaps it was what needed to be done for me to make the proper adjustments to align myself and my energy to be able to accept my purpose. Maybe my purpose is just to love, and I had to love myself completely and without condition before I could really begin.

But let me tell you what I have figured out…..

The Only Thing That Is Real Is Love – I didn’t make that up. It is in A Course Of Miracles. I started reading that book five years ago, and still haven’t gotten through it. That phrase hit me like a hammer the first time I read it…and it stayed with me. It took me all those years to understand what it really meant and how it effected me. It is still hard to embody, but most days I do okay….it’s just when the wound opens up…then the directive gets a little hazy.

Many years ago, Virginia Drake told me that there were only two places that you can come from in any situation.

Fear

Love

Fear, she said, ” False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.”

I get that, and I try hard to accept what the Universe gives me with an open mind and an acceptance and knowing that it will all be okay.

But, anger is fear. Sadness is fear. Jealousy is fear. All of it is fear. All of it is poison to the soul. It isn’t in love. It is a lower vibration that lowers energy and allows for more negative energy to manifest. That energy can manifest in lots of ugly ways…sickness, bitterness, greed and distrust. Victimizing one’s self as validation for your fear and relying on other’s to bolster you up with sweet words and condolences is just allowing the ego to stop the healing. You must fully embrace the healing, and you must love and forgive everyone that is involved and that includes yourself. You have to love yourself enough to forgive yourself for being negative. You have to love yourself enough to be able to raise that energy to a high enough vibration to forgive others that may have done things against you. You have to love yourself…and sometimes that isn’t easy. Well, a lot of times that isn’t easy…but you have to do it.

I make mistakes. You make mistakes. Sometimes we let emotions get the better of us. Sometimes we destroy relationships and hurt people because we have fear. We have fear that we aren’t good enough to be loved or to be cared for, or to have that person in our life. Maybe things a person does to us re echos situations of the past that we haven’t made peace with. Maybe we have been told that we are not good enough or smart enough or special enough so many times that it sunk into our energy. Maybe we push away those who threaten us to make a change. So, we even sabotage our own relationship with our self, because we can’t muster up the courage to confront the things we need to change. It is easier not to look that deep. Like the bottom of an old handbag…it can get pretty messy in there. Who wants to dig around blindly in that? That’s why you have to start the love thing….and put it on you.

…and so I started to apply it to Suzy

I needed to be told that I was loved. So, I told myself…and I said it to my eyes in the mirror every morning until it wasn’t uncomfortable any longer.  I said it until I believed it.

I needed to feel attractive. So, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I loved that girl, and I began to fix some things that I didn’t like so much. I started to look better, and I tell myself about it all the time.

I needed to hear that I was a good person. I looked at my life and made adjustments to the things that needed tweaking. I tell myself that I am a good person. I strive to leave things better than when I arrived. I slip…I do a lot…but I feel like I am a good person. I am doing every thing I can to be a better person tomorrow.

I needed someone to tell me that I was sexy. I told myself. Yeah….I did. I feel that way on the inside…and I am working on the outside. Still sexy…just in a larger container 🙂

Look, I don’t want to run the whole thing down right here and right now…but I do want to leave you with this….

The healing has come from you, you aren’t going to get it from anyone else. Love yourself. Love everyone else. It is okay to love someone from a distance…but you still gotta love them. The most important place to begin is you. Loving yourself is the most important piece of this puzzle. Until you can do that fully…you are really never going to be able to move forward in love toward anyone else. I know that sounds like some Hallmark bullshit…but brothers and sisters…there was never a truer statement spoken.

So, I am doing my best tonight to love myself through it…and I am always loving you all through it.  Thanks to those who have challenged me in the last couple of weeks. Somehow I am going to let the past go…accept the lesson and be better for it. I know that I will love better and that will give me great joy and comfort.

I love all y’all, as we say here in the south….and I love me too.

You oughta get you some of that stuff.

Smooch Out!

http://www.susanrushing.com

Happy International Women’s Day!

I want to take a minute to honor all of the women that I know and all of the women that I have known. 

I love women ( and don’t be a smart ass here, we all know I am a lesbian…you ain’t gotta take us there)

Women to me are as close to the physical manifestation of God that I can imagine. I know there was Jesus, and I do love me some Jesus. Jesus loves women too. I know he loves me and I am a woman. 🙂

Women embody all things. We are strong when we need to be. We are soft when we can be. We are nurturers and we are givers of life.

A woman will understand the meaning of unconditional love. As a tiny life grows inside of us, we get it. We understand the faith of loving something we cannot see. It is natural.

We sacrifice our physiques, glady as we watch our tummies grow in creation of this new love, this new person for whom we are already laying down our life. We are already in love. We love big and instinctually and fiercly. 

When that small bundle is handed to us, we make food to feed it. We intuititvely know when it needs to sleep and eat, and when it is uncomfortable. Even when the child isn’t ours biologically, we know, we love  the same. We mother, instinctively.

Women are magic.

The women in my family are strong. They were big busted, big haired, big loving girls that kicked my ass and hugged me tight enough to make my eyes pop out. I watched them suffer rotten husbands, sickness, money problems and more with the strength of a lion and with a wit as sharp as a razor.

They were leaders in their communities, in the ways that they were allowed. They took care of it all, allowing their men to think that it was all their doing, when in fact, they were handling the load.

They earned a living, wiped noses, cooked really good food, loved, cried, laughed and lived.

Genevieve- Thank you for the guts and the ability to speak my mind

Juanita- Thank you for the softness and the firm belief that soft and round is just as sexy as any stick.

Martha – Thank you for my ability, and the value of a good sense of humor

Judy – Thank you for the creativity and for my big voice and the knowing that what others perceive as a handicap does not need to hold you down

Wanda- Thank you for the fierce faith in God, my ability to pray, and to have pride in my ample bustline

Grandma- Thank you for common sense and my ability to see past what everyone else is doing to a better place.

Mom – Thanks for everything, thanks for life and love and the ability to love big and fight hard. Thank you for being my inspiration for moving forward. I am proud of your recovery and how far you have come.

To all of you who read this – Thank you for being the beautiful and inspirational women that you are. I so appreciate who you are and the who you are becoming. Thank you for being a part of my life and thank you for holding up your piece of this big old world.

Oh…and to Mary Kay- thanks for that concealer….really thanks

Love yourselves today, girlys…..You are my girl band in the rock and roll of life. Smmmooooches!

Smooch Out

http://www.susanrushing.com