ok…so I just finished the last of my readings for the day. I am grateful that I have such beautiful, entertaining and energetic clients. I have always thought that the clients that readers bring in usually reflect that readers energy. I am grateful to say and to see that my lovely folks, just like me are working toward a better way to be and to feel, and they are hell bent to be a positive influence on this old world, such as it is. They are working, and feeling and healing and trying to make the best out of all situations… all with a sharp wit and a shake of a hip. I am grateful for them all.
This week has been a rough one for me. Hell, this month has been a rough one. Old wounds that are trying desperately to heal keep getting pulled back open. The pain from them is not as deep, but there is still some bad mojo that comes out whenever they are poked. I imagine that is why the Universe keeps making a way for them to reopen. It is never good to seal the top of something when in is festering underneath. I pray that the good Lord gives me the strength and the where-with-all, and really quite frankly A CLUE on how to get through it and finally have peace.
This 2012, has been a real life changing year for me. I know…I thought 2010 was the real life changer. Turns out, it was just the initial incision for me to be able to grow and to come into my life and my purpose fully…or rather, perhaps it was what needed to be done for me to make the proper adjustments to align myself and my energy to be able to accept my purpose. Maybe my purpose is just to love, and I had to love myself completely and without condition before I could really begin.
But let me tell you what I have figured out…..
The Only Thing That Is Real Is Love – I didn’t make that up. It is in A Course Of Miracles. I started reading that book five years ago, and still haven’t gotten through it. That phrase hit me like a hammer the first time I read it…and it stayed with me. It took me all those years to understand what it really meant and how it effected me. It is still hard to embody, but most days I do okay….it’s just when the wound opens up…then the directive gets a little hazy.
Many years ago, Virginia Drake told me that there were only two places that you can come from in any situation.
Fear, she said, ” False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.”
I get that, and I try hard to accept what the Universe gives me with an open mind and an acceptance and knowing that it will all be okay.
But, anger is fear. Sadness is fear. Jealousy is fear. All of it is fear. All of it is poison to the soul. It isn’t in love. It is a lower vibration that lowers energy and allows for more negative energy to manifest. That energy can manifest in lots of ugly ways…sickness, bitterness, greed and distrust. Victimizing one’s self as validation for your fear and relying on other’s to bolster you up with sweet words and condolences is just allowing the ego to stop the healing. You must fully embrace the healing, and you must love and forgive everyone that is involved and that includes yourself. You have to love yourself enough to forgive yourself for being negative. You have to love yourself enough to be able to raise that energy to a high enough vibration to forgive others that may have done things against you. You have to love yourself…and sometimes that isn’t easy. Well, a lot of times that isn’t easy…but you have to do it.
I make mistakes. You make mistakes. Sometimes we let emotions get the better of us. Sometimes we destroy relationships and hurt people because we have fear. We have fear that we aren’t good enough to be loved or to be cared for, or to have that person in our life. Maybe things a person does to us re echos situations of the past that we haven’t made peace with. Maybe we have been told that we are not good enough or smart enough or special enough so many times that it sunk into our energy. Maybe we push away those who threaten us to make a change. So, we even sabotage our own relationship with our self, because we can’t muster up the courage to confront the things we need to change. It is easier not to look that deep. Like the bottom of an old handbag…it can get pretty messy in there. Who wants to dig around blindly in that? That’s why you have to start the love thing….and put it on you.
…and so I started to apply it to Suzy
I needed to be told that I was loved. So, I told myself…and I said it to my eyes in the mirror every morning until it wasn’t uncomfortable any longer. I said it until I believed it.
I needed to feel attractive. So, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I loved that girl, and I began to fix some things that I didn’t like so much. I started to look better, and I tell myself about it all the time.
I needed to hear that I was a good person. I looked at my life and made adjustments to the things that needed tweaking. I tell myself that I am a good person. I strive to leave things better than when I arrived. I slip…I do a lot…but I feel like I am a good person. I am doing every thing I can to be a better person tomorrow.
I needed someone to tell me that I was sexy. I told myself. Yeah….I did. I feel that way on the inside…and I am working on the outside. Still sexy…just in a larger container 🙂
Look, I don’t want to run the whole thing down right here and right now…but I do want to leave you with this….
The healing has come from you, you aren’t going to get it from anyone else. Love yourself. Love everyone else. It is okay to love someone from a distance…but you still gotta love them. The most important place to begin is you. Loving yourself is the most important piece of this puzzle. Until you can do that fully…you are really never going to be able to move forward in love toward anyone else. I know that sounds like some Hallmark bullshit…but brothers and sisters…there was never a truer statement spoken.
So, I am doing my best tonight to love myself through it…and I am always loving you all through it. Thanks to those who have challenged me in the last couple of weeks. Somehow I am going to let the past go…accept the lesson and be better for it. I know that I will love better and that will give me great joy and comfort.
I love all y’all, as we say here in the south….and I love me too.
You oughta get you some of that stuff.