That which does not kill us…makes us stronger
….but it usually pisses us off first..right?
Of course, right…
I have learned in my time on this planet…and also through several mandatory trainings during my social service days…a great deal about relationships. I have retained fabulous exercises in communication skills, self calming methods and negotiation strategies for just about every situation and relationship you could ever imagine. Really, I am armed to the teeth with these gems of wisdom and methods to quell madness. They are all there, locked away, but still vivid in my rational mind, available for use at any moment.
They all fly out the window when my emotion becomes involved.
or…when the other participant begins to act irrationally and outside the parameters of the dog gone exercise.
For example, one exercise I remember called for each party involved in a discussion to hold a “talking stick”. During the exchange of communication, the rules are that each person holds the stick when it comes time to talk. The other party respects the stick holder by not interrupting the stick holders speaking. When the stick holder has finished speaking, the stick his handed over to the second person, and now that person can state their feelings or desires without worry of interruption. This allows each person to state how the are feeling and encourages them to listen carefully to what their partner is saying. It sounds lovely doesn’t it. In a role playing exercise…it is really a beautiful thing.
In my very real world…it is a different story.
The first stick holder begins speaking and continues speaking and continues speaking and continues speaking and doesn’t ever give the stick to the second person. The second person jerks the stick from the first stickholder’s hands, cracks them on the head, throws the stick to the floor and walks away.
Sometimes people are insensitive. Sometimes people don’t follow the rules. Sometimes people are mean. Sometimes people are just plain cruel. People are people.
That is the truth….and it’s all because our rational minds become overtaken by emotion…the beautiful, the passionate, the creative and the crazy bitch…emotion.
A wild horse out of control…a raging fire that threatens to consume all in its path….rage is an emotion…just on the opposite side of love.
But we know that for every thing we have…there is an opposite that defines it…and measures it and causes us to look for adjustments that need to be made to it.
I ran across this quote, and I loved it…
We are not afraid to look under the bed, or to wash the sheets; we know that life is messy. We know that somebody has to clean it up, and that only if it is cleaned up can we hope to start over, and get better.
– Marsh Normon ( quoted in Interviews with Contemporary Women Playwrights)
I loved this quote because it all about cleaning up the things that we do or get done to us that mess up our lives…examining the mess, piece by piece until you can understand what and why it all happened and how and why you responded in the way that you did…and then do the best thing you can do in that situation….learn and grow from it.
You are perfect. You are. So, am I. That’s how we came into this world…as perfection. We are also human, and that sometimes makes us act is less than perfect ways. That’s okay. As long as I take the time look at the whys and hows and whats and dig for the reasons that made me do it recognize my part, forgive myself, forgive the other person and learn my lessons from the situation…I am making the best out of the situation.
Every situation good and bad is an opportunity for me to be a better person. There is no sense in wasting an opportunity, right? 🙂
Chip Coffey once reminded me of an episode of Touched by an Angel, where one of the angel characters who was having an incredibly horrific time…sat perched on a limb of a tree at the end of the day. With her weary head hanging down she prayed in a tired whisper, ” Thank you God for this terrible day”.
She understood the value of a good lesson. A hard lesson learned is so very valuable. I understand this am doing my best on a daily basis to stay in this energy of gratitude.
This energy of gratitude has strengthened my relationship with the ones that I love most. It helps me see the beauty and love in the people who surround me and the blessings that each of them bestow on me in so many ways every day. It helps me gain knowledge and care from my guides and angels, and you can’t measure the value of any of that.
That’s because you can’t measure love…..
I love you to the sky…that’s what my friend Cynthia says…..that’s some big love.
Smooch out, y’all…and love YOURSELVES through it.