Pen Names, Mind Games and Small Blames
I write. I do. I am not, by any means fabulous at it. I am a grammatical nightmare, a fat, slippery fingered typist and an ignorant editor. However, I keep doing it.
People keep asking me when the books are coming out. I have two in the making. One on living through Suicide and what information that I have been given during mediumship readings. The other is my story of growing up a psychic child and the horrors of dealing with a negative energy in my teenaged years. Usually, I sigh to myself when I am asked this question, and then I beat myself up for not getting to it regularly, like I know I should.
What holds me back? Well, I am busy. Is that an excuse? Well, maybe a little. Is it truth, yeah it is true. I am busy. With driving an hour to work and back, housework, trying to lose weight, traveling and reading at home, all while trying to have an enjoyable life….I just rarely get in the place of pulling the information down and getting it in the computer.
Then there is also the whole ego thing. There is an underlying current of “who wants to listen to a fat girl from a small farm town in Ohio?” I try to push that down….but it keeps bubbling up.
So I write…and I send it to be looked at and edited and I rewrite, and now I have to build that book. I am anxious. I am proud and certain of what I am saying…sometimes I wish I had chosen a pen name so that I could embody that faux person and just get it done without the luggage of Susan. But the books are healing, hopefully not just to me, but to other people too. The healing is also part of the slowness….healing takes time. Healing sometimes is painful…and both of these books are that.
But when I think of them, I am proud. I am proud that they are written in my voice. I am proud that I am not an english major writing a book. I am on old soprano, turned hair stylist turned nutritionist turned psychic/medium, who has put down the fear of words and grammar to deliver a message that I have been divinely given to folks who may need the healing of it. It is part of my purpose. I was shown a few years ago that if you are living your life on purpose and speaking the word of love, you will be provided for. That has held true during the last two years after my gigantic leap of faith. I am grateful, and so I write. I am proud to say that I wrote them myself. I do have help with the grammar, and typos….but they are MY words, no one else’s and I am proud of them.
So look out y’all. Momma is about to give birth to a four cornered baby. Like all babies…it is a little tough to get out, and it is a little on the painful side, but it will be my baby and no one elses…not just my story, but my words, my voice and my love.
I hope you all will read it. I hope you all will be okay with it. Most of all I hope you all love me through it, just like I am trying to love me and you.
Big love to all y’all. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.
Smooch Out! ( yes I am shaking my behind while I am writing)