I know. I have been quiet. Please don’t take it personally, I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking. Introspection…it seems one of the old girls favorite pastimes lately. Who knew that would happen, from a girl who spent her first allowance on a set of Lee tabby nails?
Last year, I changed my life. No really….I changed just about everything about it. Parts of it keep coming back to wave at me in a frenetic way, but mostly it’s the new Suzy in this new reality. Scary and exciting and sad and happy…all of those descriptors.
I have recently come to some hard realities. I had to do some serious letting go. Relationships and situations that no longer fit. People that turned out to be something different than they appeared to be. These things let me go or I let them go…not for good or bad, but just because that is the way it needed to be.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the ocean. Not at all a familiar activity to a country girl who swam in farm ponds and man made lakes. The saltwater made my eyes burn and the hot sun turned my Irish hide the color of a cherry limeaid.
That big water scared me. It scared me on a level of a past life that took me away into its depths and left the one who loved me on the shore to search and wait for me forever. Really, I think what scared me the most was the infinite possibilities that it represented to my tired spirit. I stood by that great water and as it is known to do, it started calling to me.
Wash away your dis-heartened feeling, wash away your sins and sorrows…..let me take from you those fists clenched in indignation and frustration. Let me unclench that jaw that holds back the words that you so want to say to whomever will listen. Let me take away the soreness from walking the high road while those around you do what they will and say what they don’t understand.
…and so I did. I took a smokey quartz and I focused all of the pain and anger and disappointment and sadness and disillusionment into it. I prayed that Jesus would take that negativity from me….and when it felt like my spirit was lighter and more peaceful…I threw that stone into the ocean…and I let her have it. I said a gratitude to my Jesus and I began to change my belief systems.
I began to realize that while I did have my part in the undoing. I have recognized it. I have apologized for it. I can sleep at night in the calm knowing that everything is as it is supposed to be. I have been honest. I have spoken my truth. I have come from a place of love. I am also loving myself and recognizing that these things have happened to move me further on my path. I am grateful and love all that have been involved. I made a decision to choose peace and to not go back to the place of negativity and self doubt.
With this new state of mind, I went out and purchased an inexpensive ring and had it engraved with the word “Perfect”. So I can look down at it everyday and know that even through the most chaotic times in my life…the Universe has it all under control…it is as it should be. It is perfect.
So are you. Thank you for being in my life. I am grateful for you, my friend, for reading this.
Don’t be afraid to shift your paradigms…it could be the best thing you ever did.
Smooch Out Wonderkids 🙂
One thought on “So quiet for a loud girl.”
Everyday is a new life…it is your choice what to do with it. Sounds like you are doing a lot of good things with yours…your growing everyday…you little seedling you! 🙂 loving you much!