Hello Love Monkey’s….
I had a reading today. I called someone who looked fabulous and sounded fabulous and got …really a fabulous reading. I will tell you who he was later. Right now, I want to share a message that he gave to me, and that I preach to so many of my clients….
Today I realized that I truly am the plumber with the leaky faucet.
For those of you who know me, or have at least browsed through my pictures on the Facebook…you know that I am a big girl.
Not a tall girl.
A big girl.
I say “big girl” because it sounds better. I remember that it was praise when I did something right as a toddler. “Look at that big girl!” It was a good thing Martha…so I keep rollin with it.
BUT…the fat assed truth is… I am obese.
That is just ugly. Ugly to say, ugly to read. Write it in a pretty font…doesn’t matter…UH GA LEEE!
“So, what are we going to do about it, Susan?” says that smart mouthed list maker that lives in my head. She is all the time bossing me and making me do stuff and even though she keeps me out of trouble….I secretly resent her smarmy butt.
“Shut the hell UP!” says that other girl in my head that loves all things superficial and physical. She finds the cookies and helps me put my eyelashes on in the morning. She never looks out for my best interest, but she sure is a good time.
The me in the middle knows what I have to do, but hates to even think about doing it. It is emotional.
Emotional? Yeah…it is a physical condition…
but the physical condition is just an outward symptom of a long standing glitch in the old girl’s system.
So..ok back to the reading…
So, I was asking questions about some opportunities and such…and out of the blue , my new favorite friend says to me that he hears me being excited about the possibilities, but he feels like deep down inside I block them because I don’t feel like I deserve them.
Well let me tell you right here….the hair on my arms stood straight up…He was RIGHT!
So we went back through years….no there is no coat of many colors….but there was the answer. There it was like a little shiny golden egg in a little broken nest.
“What makes you need to ground yourself after a reading, Susan?”
” People get wound in my energy, I need to do something physical to come back down.”
” Do you think that people get too close to you when you’re reading?”
“Yes, they get too close to me, emotionally.”
“You don’t like that?”
“Not all the time.”
“So do you think that you eat to push people away?”
“Yes I believe I do.”
“Susan, who was the first person who got too close to you and made you emotionally uncomfortable?”
“The one who fed me.”
Cue lightbulb over the head.
So, we both went on for a while longer until we had come to the conclusion that I block success because of my weight issues and I have weight issues because of my emotional issues….and we come full circle… I see the egg, I see the obstacle, I see the why and the wherefores….I just need a plan of healing that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars in therapy. 🙂
So, I have made a deal with God. To prove that I am loving myself without question and without condition, I am going to do some form of exercise for 30 minutes every other day. I am going to state to the Universe that I am grounding myself and getting in touch with not only my spiritual body, but also my physical body. I no longer block success. I am worthy of it. I am manifesting it…and I am loving it.
The best part….I am taking my own advice.
Thanks Dougall….you are a complete rock star.
So I am going to say to all of you…..again
The only real thing is love. In accepting this challenge, I acknowledge my commitment and my passion for my purpose and for myself. I am a bright and beautiful child of God. I deserve to be happy, and loved and successful and abundant. I also deserve to shop at least one time in Victoria’s Secret….and so do you.
Group hug, lovies!
Go look in the mirror and make a commitment to yourself. Say that you love what you see from the inside out. I love you all….you should love you too.
oh…and go check out the cosmic wonderboy that is Dougall Fraser. You will dig him. He is cute as hell and funny to boot. Not as funny as me, mind you….but ten times more precious!
3 thoughts on “The Funky Chunky Dunky Blog”
I NEEDED to read this today.
I am a big girl too. I’ve done weight watchers, to the soup diet, to “if it’s not green, don’t eat it” diet. geneen roth is changing the way I think about food. It is not about the food really, and your friend was so insightful….really…wow…
When I eat it is not to sustain my life, it is actually like a drug for me. I would rather not feel all the things this life has to offer, from the good things to pain. When things get tough….I eat. I can do it without thinking, and not really enjoying…and the truth is I deserve to enjoy life, I desewrve to love myself and have others love me. So….Geneen has changed the way I look and eat food.
I only eat when I am hungry. I try to eat healthy, not because I am fat…but because I am wonderful and deserve nutritious food to help this physical vessel hold my beautiful spirit I have to offer. If I am not hungry, then I try to figure out what it is I am avoiding feeling, and then I make myself go through it best I can, whether it’s sadness, excitement, or pain, or boredom….Women Food and God is the book helping me do these things.
Good luck Suzy. You ARE so beautiful, it’s not about the food…It NEVER is…allow yourself to live….power to us both…we can do it!
My darling Susan. Soooooo been there and done that for 54 years. I have to say that the word UGLY applies to you in NO way. I too ate to keep away things that were too intimate. With lots of help I figured out what those things were. I too was told it was because I didn’t feel I deserved because I had messed up my life, so what was the use. I was 75 lbs overweight at one time. I’m still not perfect but I like me now. As a friend and an RN the first thing I would do is give you a BIG HUG, then insist you be gentle with yourself first and foremost, start small with changes known as gentle eating. I suggest just putting the fork down between bites, sounds silly but helps. Next take at least 20 minutes to eat. After 2 weeks of mastering that find something else you know you can do. Whatever it is has to be achievable. Because those little things become big accomplishments over time. 500 calories less per day than you are eating right now is a lb a week, 52 lbs in a year. In the meantime exercise as is reasonable and safe per your doctor. The last piece of advice I will give you and will give you no more unless you want it or to talk (anytime) is to repeat EVERY DAY while looking at yourself in the mirror: (from one of Louise Hay’s books) “I unconditionally love myself as I am right now!” otherwise love will always be another 5 lbs away. I felt really stupid at first saying that phrase in the mirror but felt “it couldn’t hurt”. And by that time I couldn’t tie my own shoes without great difficulty. I even was angry and sarcastic with myself at first, often interjecting ugly adjectives between the word love and the word myself. Over time the words became more sincere and gentle. When I look at you my friend, all I see is one beautiful human being that gives so much to this world, and you know what goes around, comes around. It is time for the good to come back around to you. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Love ya, Kathy